There are thousands of endangered animals in the world. Some are very well-known, like the Giant Panda, others are obscure, like the Leadbeater's Possum. Of course, there is a little bias in how we see them; we're far more likely to care for something cute like the Panda over, say, an endangered form of mosquito. But sometimes we should consider the browner things in life, like the West African Fluorescent Globster
Found worldwide, except for the west coast of Africa and Moncton, New Brunswick, the WAFG (Gephyrophilus aurifex) is an amphibious mammal, much like the Walrus. Its diet consists mainly of cream cheese and unleavened bread. Males of this species are perhaps most famous for their mating call, which sounds remarkably similar to Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band played on the bagpipes.
Female WAFGs are very territorial. They constantly patrol their territory, which generally covers about as much area as the Sahara Desert. Although males may pass through said territory freely, if a female enters another's territory, the two engage each other in a duel. These duels are said to be one of the most awe-inspiring events that take place in nature. During a duel, the two intertwine their elephantine trunks and engage in a battle of wits, which, coincidentally, sounds like two pirates arguing over which Star Trek movie was the best.
So why is this creature so endangered? The main reason is that there are few sources of cream cheese and unleavened bread available to wild Globster. This means that male WAFGs have less energy to complete the exhausting journey which they must endure to find a suitable mate. Fortunately, there is a solution: marine biologists have discovered that the WAFG is able to harness a unique form of energy which can only be created by people reading school newspapers and transform said energy into food. If you're interested in saving this unique and elegant creature, do your part and read the school newspaper today.
